I never could get the hang of Thursdays

A Guide To Debauchery And Hedonism
28/07/2009, 3:17 am
Filed under: Writings

You’ve seen those drink-aware adverts on TV, in between episodes of skins. The ones where a bloke makes a complete mess of himself just before he goes out, and the strapline says “You wouldn’t start a night like this, so why end one like it?” or something like that. When I first saw that, I wanted to go on a night out and come back completely pissed with torn clothes and covered in beer.

There are hundreds of reasons why that would be a bad idea, but for some reason it’s strangely appealing. Is it the feeling of being so completely out of control of yourself that you have to rely on your friends, who are equally incapacitated? For fellowship, being part of a group?

Fuck it. Do it, say yes and have an experience. Jump right in and get so drunk that you can barely stand. Shout, be loud and complain. Be someone else and be confident. Why the fuck not? Drink doubles because they’re on offer, and buy two at once so you don’t have to go straight back to the five-person deep queue.

Dance like an idiot. If you tread on someone’s toes push yourself away and melt back into the crowd. Don’t cry over spilt drinks, just get more or steal some from someone else. Smoke and think how cool you look. Smoking is cool by the way. It’s become so uncool that it’s come right back round to being cool again, only independent, think-for-themselves-people will do it, not afraid of the stereotype or dying young.

I realise saying that may render smoking uncool again. I also realise that may be inaccurate.

The best part is when you’re not drunk. Frequenting pubs during the daytime on your own, or for a cheeky one with a friend. Sitting outside while everyone else mills around doing jobs. Maintaining the drunken veneer, so used to having a bottle in one hand and a cigarette in the other, even if it is only occasional. Smoking is the visual equivalent of being stood on stage in front of the smoke machine with a guitar.

Binge drinking is only bad for people who don’t like being drunk.


2 Comments so far
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There is a little book that you would love + must get!

It’s called the hedonist’s guide to life (the H2g2 series). It has it all, from the joy of hangovers and being a disgrace to the excellence of golf and religion. If it can get you high or in trouble, there’s a recipe or suggestion.

How many other books make you feel that little bit naughty just because you’re reading them?

Comment by lucy

Thanks Lucy, I am aware of said book, I’ve had a quick look through it (A while ago, to be honest). But do you need to buy a book about it? Save the money for alcohol. It’s not that hard to live a life of debauchery and you shouldn’t need a self help book.

Thanks for your previous comment as well, while I’m here!

Comment by montygotarawdeal

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